So You Think You Know Cavite

What is the name of the bridge between SM Bacoor and the rest of the intersection between Aguinaldo Highway and the Coastal Road?

How many statues of Emilio Aguinaldo are there in Cavite?

You know it. You pass by it everyday. Where is the St. John's Driving school?

Name the bridge between the Aguinaldo Shrine and Island Cove.

What is the vertical clearance (in meters) of the overpass on the west wing of SM?

When is the Noveleta town fiesta?

The windows of the Noveleta town hall which appears in the business permits issued for 2006 are colored turquoise. True or False?

What is the name of the air base of the AFP located in Cavite City?

The C4 road extends to Noveleta. True or False?

The minimum fare for all air – conditioned buses in Cavite is 25 pesos. True or False?

The Face of Fascism

The past few days have not been uneventful. But I have kept these things to myself knowing that any attempt to divulge any of the following information may result in my untimely death. This has been the last words of my captor, my friend – the face of fascism.
I was walking along the dark dreary street of Pedro Gil towards my humble lodgings when all of a sudden a white Mitsubishi L300 van whizzed by. I paid no heed to it since I was too tired from my trip from Cavite. It was nothing new. Reckless drivers in the middle of the night were just as common as druggies along this street.
The van made a sudden turn blocking my path ahead. In broad daylight, it would make all the difference in the world. But it was the middle of the night. And in one fluid motion, the door opened and six men in black jackets and black ski masks rushed outside. One of them hit me with the butt of a Colt .45 automatic pistol and the world spun and faded away into darkness.
I woke up in a familiar empty warehouse. The light overhead was blinding and I took some time before I adjusted to the brightness. All I could see was a hazy figure perhaps in his mid - 40’s. His face was concealed in the darkness.
My breath was heaving and forced and yet I could not breathe. The air was thick in smoke – Marlboro Reds Blue Seal. The more I struggled with the thick ropes binding me to a chair, the more I could not breathe. How ingenious was my captor. I knew that this could not have been made by an inexperienced goon. This could only be the work of one man – DML!
But this assumption was readily disproven, because my captor signaled for something and a man in a black jacket and a black ski mask brought in a laptop – part of the unbelievable Toshiba Satellite M40 Series in the limited edition silver/blue finish.
My captor proceeded to show me pictures of me and her. In my pain and agony, I could not help but admire her rare pulchritude – the innocence of years in spent in meaningful seclusion and a beauty which may as well be the only boon of the Spanish conquistadores.
She was voluptuous in her white dress but who am I, a low life in the realm of intellectual primacy of the Great University of the Philippines to hold her hand, to embrace her and to touch her as if she were mine. I remember not the events in the photographs which lead me to the conclusion that this was the work of art of a master of a great photo studio. But in retrospect, how I wish the events had happened because by and large, I had fallen in love with a beautiful stranger.
“Do you like my daughter?” said a big booming voice which had shaken my reverie, my daydreaming and my heaven.
Dead silence.
“I asked you a question. Do you like my daughter?”
A thick fist hit me square on the jaw. I could not fight back. My only concern now was to breathe.
“For the last time, do you like my daughter?”
I choked on my reply, “Even if I loved her, she would never even consider liking me. We are two fucking worlds apart.”
“Very well then. Shoot him.”
“NOOOOOOOOO!”
I struggled and struggled knowing that this was no longer a winnable skirmish. I summoned every emotion I had and in one supreme effort I tore apart the handcuffs binding me. I tore away the thick ropes and then I had the one thing I had wanted at that time – air.
I ran towards the exit but at the same time I heard the loud rapports of a gun fired. The air had turned acrid. I felt two hot bullets pierce my back and sear through my chest. I stumbled and slumped on the cold concrete and soon there was a big pool of red surrounded me.
In my dying breath I saw her cross the threshold of the door. She was in a white knee – length dress and her silken hair hung loosely over her shoulders. She was bathed in white light. Her mere presence had given life to my captivity. I knew I could live long enough to see her.
Ironically, I remembered the sad fact that she’d never love me too. The world that had just turned into life became once again a black emptiness that consumed me.
Tit. Tit. Tit. Tit. Tit.
It was 6:30 am. I have to get up now and prepare my niece for school.

SGGS Special Report: Pedestrian Lanes

City of San Fernando, Pampanga - the Traffic Management Group of the City of San Fernando, Pampanga has committed something beyond human comprehension. A span of a hundred yards of thick concrete barricade now separates the North bound lanes and the South bound lanes of the intersection/flyover. There used to be a pedestrian lane, 25 yards from just beneath the flyover. Now it is covered in continuity with the heavy concrete barricade. Pedestrians have to walk a hundred yards just to get across the street.

So Dr. Sioco, with all due respect, I firmly uphold that this metaphysics.

To the TMG-CSFP, you should get your nice orange uniforms and shove your nice cute philandering asses to UPm and start teaching us some metaphysics of your sorts.

Prose to Cheer My Heart

Tell me your side of the story.

The Best Pick Up Lines

Here are the best pick up lines.

• Hey chick! Nice teeth! Wanna dance?
• Are you a doctor? Because i need CPR!
• How long have i been dead? Am i in heaven, Angel?
• Haven't i seen you before? (pag pangit, sabihin mo sa horror! pag maganda, sabihin mo sa noveleta!)
• Pulis ka ba? Because you have taken my breath away?
• Are you a cop? Because you are definitely, Manila's finest!
• Hey, i'm from FHM. Can i see your teeths?

ins and outs

More ins and outs. The comings and goings of the latest. the brightest.

• january is out. february is in.
• dr. marquez is out. miss love ocampo is in.
• first long exams are out. second long exams are in.
• wittgenstein is out. immanuel kant is in.
• language games are out. ethics and morality is in.
• sleazy titles of movies like, talong and patikim ng pinya are out. old love song titles are in.
• mayonnaise is out. aklas is in.
• happy new year is out. happy valentimes day is in.
• putang inang sit-ups with ducay is out. foundation series is in.
• debuts are out. cash gifts are in.
• old school reports are out. stupid films are in.
• pole dances are out. cc dancing behind sleazy curtains is in.
• color coordination is out. same white shirts are in.
• long hair is out. kalbo is in.
• jaoao rip offs are out. attacked by jaoao is in.
• live 2005 is out. live 2006 is in.
• surprise quizzes with the plastic hand cuffed man is out. daily quizzes with miss ocampo is in.
• dusty blogs are out. announced via email updates are in.
• capture of faeldon is out. capture of rizal is in.
• oh i hate you is out. am not talking is in.
• sky-fi is out. old school filipino lit is in.
• gifts are out. puzzles are in.
• toxic days are out. summer is in.

Probability

What is the probability of me dialing a random cellphone number and it shall ring?

Last night, out of boredom, my borther and i dialed 7 random cellphone numbers. One of them rang. Now what is the probablity?

Try solving it for me.

Reminders:

1. I cannot determine where the numbers which are turned off, out of coverage area and those which are partially active like dual-sims per se, fall.
2. 0927 and 0906 are both under Globe.
3. 0925 is Sun Cellular.
4. Inquirer points out that according to DOTC, there are 34 million messages sent between Smart and Globe with each subscriber averaging 10 messages a day.

Test of the Best

Here is a test of the best of the nineties! Credit is due to the Inquirer for sparking up ideas for this test. (Sir, is this plagiarism? Can they sew me?)

Take the trip down memory lane and take the test of the best.

1. What is written on the back of Bazooka bubble gum wrappers?
2. Mighty Mouse was a famous cartoon. It also had candy. Name atleast one flavor.
3. From what planet did the Biker Mice come from?
4. Name the four Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
5. Name the title of the song by Sharon Cuneta which was also the title of the movie she starred with Robin Padilla.
6. What was the flavor of the Texas Bubble Gum?
7. In what flavors was Fanta available. Name two.
8. Mr. Bogus is blue. True or false?
9. In Captain Planet, what is the name of the last segment of the show - reminding us to take care of the planet?
10. In the same show, Kwame is from Africa or South America?
11. What does "F" in Flames stand for?
12. Our blackboards had lines. Name the colors of the lines.
13. Name two members of Tropang Trumpo, now in Bubble Gang.
14. What brand of appliances did Nova Villa endorse?
15. Name the nail polish whose commercials on channel five are complete with a nasty jingle and sexy ladies.
16. What does Nano Nano Candy taste like?
17. Before the Turbo Rangers, there was Masked Man. Which channel had this show?
18. What is the color of Annie's panties in Shaider?
19. Which robot had the most members from which would assemble the space robot?
20. Who sang Laklak?
21. Before Sega and Nintendo came out, what was the hottest game console?
22. What/who is Captain Sid?
23. Name the partner of Alladin. (Wrong spelling is wrong!)
24. Slam Dunk first appeared on what Phillipine tv station?
25. What was the hit brand of rubber shoes for kids?
26. What is birch tree?
27. True of false. Richard and Raymond Gutierrez starred in a milk commercial.
28. Name one children oriented show. Ang TV does not count.
29. Name the two love teams from the original cast of Gimik.
30. Name the rival of the show mentioned in number 29. Full spelling please.
31. Name the show starred by nice cute animals with symbols on the their anterior parts.
32. Name the pre-historic super hero with a club.
33. Name the color of Penelope Pitstop's car.
34. What is the color of the rims of the wheels of the classic 90's aluminum stroller?
35. Name two bible-oriented cartoons in the 90's. Hint: A red robot was always with them.
36. Name the loudest character to cry in Mojacko.
37. Sharon Tonight was hosted by Sharon and who?
38. Name the show on channel 2 hosted by a former cast member of Eat Bulaga. It was aired during Saturday afternoons.
39. Name the longest running telenovela in the 90's. It took them 7-9 years to finish.
40. Name the show hosted by Inday Badiday which accomodated lost/missing persons.
41. Name the news/public service program hosted by a present anchor of TV Patrol. It was aired on mondays to fridays at 5:30 pm.
42. Name atleast two former hosts of TV Patrol. Ernie Baron is not included.
43. Name the Ernie Baron's segment in TV Patrol which later came to be Knowledge Is Power on radio and TV.
44. What the predecessor of Flames, the show on channel two?
45. Name the game show hosted by Arnel Ignacio on channel 7.
46. What is the brand of the whiskey commercial featuring Glydell on horseback?
47. Name atleast two telecommunications companies.
48. What was the greatest Filipino virus of the 90's?
49. Who was the coach of the Chicago Bulls when they won the championship in 1998?
50. What was the jersey number Michael Jordan wore when he came back in 1995?

Alam mo kung sino ka...

Marami na rin ang mga pag-babago.
Di maiiwasan pagkat tayo ay tao lamang.
Mapapatawad mo ba ako?
Kung hindi ko sinunod ang gusto mo...

The Prophecy of the Great Kirkpatricknongnonger

Kirkpatricknongnonger is the name given to a certain ill-mannered bard who smelled bad,
lurking the 2CR-Shower Room. It was later on changed to
Kong Kirkdagabagabuh'gabuh'gabababaganoOOoongnongerski.

Many years ago, this prophecy was so spoken

From the hams of loins, girth
Shall rise from a laborious birth
A child who shall rule over
Throngs upon throngs of many a follower.

He shall rise above his peers
And best and champion all his fears.
He shall rule with justice and fairness
Like the decorated general, ruleth with earnest.

He shall do wonders for all
And the Greater shall curse him for their downfall.
He shall bear for one and all, redemption
And for the wicked, their final damanation.

His wit shall be sharp and swift like his mother
But shall take his heart from his father.
He shall walk a high chosen destiny
And to the highest heavens, he shall fly.

Like a Lion, he stands proud and true,
Floweth through his veins is blood of blue.
He shall rule from the earth, a great ambivalent man.
All hail Lord Aslan, ruler of the Mangalus Clan.

Such is the name of the first born son of Geronimo, Son of Geronimo, Son of Narciso,
the brother of Juan, the father of Luis who conquered and ruled the mountains of Arayat.

Mga Tanong na Di Ko Masagot

Hindi ko hahayaan matapos ang taon ng hindi ako nagtatanong ng mga bagay-bagay na hindi ko masagot. Heto ang mga latest at ang hindi. Posibleng natanong ko na, at kung may sagot kayo, please lang paki-sagot... nakakabaliw na!

• Minsan pinabili ako ni Mama ng ground beef, at nagtaka ako na wala naman itong kasamang lupa. Hindi rin ako nakokoryente habang hawak ko ito. Di kaya mali ung nabili ko?
• May nakita akong sign sa jeep, "No Smoking." Ano ang ibig sabihin nito? Bawal ang umusok ka sa jeep? Paano kung kumakain ka ng siling labuyo at umsok ang tenga mo, pabababain ka ba ng driver? Paano kung nasunog ang pwit mo? Bawala ba iyon?
• Ano ang tunay na pangalan nina Ate-Kuya Waiting Shed?
• Narinig ko ung kanta na Kamikaze, ung Chinelas. Sino nga ba ang nag-nakaw ng tsinelas niya? Hindi kaya si Mang Kulas?
• Sa Pugad Baboy ba nangingitlog ang mga baboy?
• Bakit may Yahoo! Groups? Sigurado bang masaya sila pag-gumagawa ng ganito ang mga prof? Hindi kaya prof lang ang masaya dahil mato-torture nila ung mga estudyante?
• Sa kantang Leader of the Band, ung tinutukoy nila ay leader ng anong band? Rubber Band? Coupon Bond o ung Boss ni James Bond?
• Ju, sa Seattle ba maraming space shuttles o uso lang ang badminton kaya madaming shuttlecock?
• Ang shuttlecock ba ay maaring ilaban sa cockfighting?
• Ang cockfighting ba ay gawain ng mga bakla? Hindi ba ito kadiri?
• Kapag ikaw ay nagsi-sigarilyo, ibig sabihin ba nito ay ikaw ay tunay na SIGA?
• Kung ikaw ay iskolar ng bayan, required ka bang pumasok sa school ng collared ang damit?
• Ano ang blue-collar job? Ito ba ang trabaho ng mga tao sa patahian ng mga kwelyo?
• Kapag ikaw ay nabigyan ng diploma, automatic ba na ikaw ay pwede ng maging diplomat?
• Ang shop na Diplomat ay tindahan ba ng mga diploma? Bakit school supplies halos ang benta nila?
• Napanood ko ung isang movie ng Star-Wars. Bakit wala akong nakitang nagsu-suntukan na stars? Ang star ba dito ay nangagahulugan na sikat na artista? Paano natin sila makikilala kung palagi lang silang naka-maskara?
• Matalino ang naka-imbento ng paluwagan! Hindi ba iyon euphemism ng pag-nanakaw ng sweldo ng may sweldo?
• Bakit hindi pwedeng mag-dala ng kaibigan sa Philo 1?
• Bagay ko ba ang maging pari?
• Bakit sina-sabihan natin ang isang taong galit na "mainit ang ulo?" Di kaya ay may lagnat lang siya?
• Mahal ba talaga ni Husteen si Betch?
• Kinakain ba natin ang balot (ung itlog) na may balot o "skin" pa? Hindi ba dapat tawagin na lang itong balat kasi binabalatan naman natin?
• Bakit namumula si Gian pag-hinahawakan ang tenga niya? At bakit mas lalo pag ung normal na tenga?
• Bakit tayo nag-diriwang ng New Year? Hindi kaya tayo na-uuto nung nag-pauso ng New Year? Eh, paano kung sabihin kong nag-sisimula ang New Year ko sa aking kaarawan? Itakwil kaya ako ng nanay ko kung magpaputok ako sa March 12?
• Masaya ba talaga si Mrs. Bautista nung ipinanganak niya si Lualhati Bautista? Saan daw mag-apply si Tita Mher kung gusto niyang ipapalit ang pangalan ko ng Malassabuhaykoangbatangito?
• Naka-gel ba ang buhok ni Dora? Bakit hindi ito naalis sa porma?
• Sa palabas na Fruits Basket, wala naman akong nakitang tindera nga mga basket ng prutas? Niloloko ba nila tayo? Hindi kaya ang target market nila ang ung mga nagha-handa ng New Year?
• Sa kantang 12 Days of Christmas, 12 ba talaga? Eh, paano na ung kasabihang, "hindi araw-araw ay pasko?" Monthly na lang ba ang Pasko?
• Ano ang ibig sabihin ng "jusing?"
• Bakit ang ash-tray namin sa bahay ay bilog? Hind ba dapat square? Naloko ba bumili nito?
• Pag-gumamit ka ng lighter, gumagaan ba ang pakiramdam mo?
• Paano kung ipag-tapat sa atin ng mundo na si Ducay ang ika-anim na Mokage? Dapat ba tayong maniwala?
• Sumisinghot ba ng rugby ang mga taong "High Blood?" Hindi kaya nasa lahi nila ang maging drug-addict?
• Pahabol lang, ang cockfighting ba ay maari nating i-equate sa fencing?
• Unggoy ba talaga si Annabelle sa larong Monkey-Monkey-Annabelle?
• Naniniwala ka bang ang mga bata ngayon ay nagiging bayolente dahil sa laro nila? Paano na lang pag-kinakanta nila ang "Langit-lupa-impyerno...saksak puso! Tulo and dugo! Patay-Buhay. A-Lis-Ka-Na-Di-Yan!"
• Pag pinag-load ka ng ka-text mo, pinahihirapan ka ba niya?
• Ano ang dapat gawin pag "Haaaaaaaay! May nagtext kay CC!?"
• Ano ang dapat gawin sa ka-text mo pag nireplyan ka na lang niya ng "aNg tgL nMn U mgrply,.. iNiP n Me e,..U" Ano ang dapat mong i-reply?

Ayan lang po mga kaibigan, kabarkada, kababata, kapatid, kabiruan, kasama, kainuman at kabalitaktakan. Maligayang Pasko at maliligo ako sa bagong taon. Pangako un.

My Food Intake

this is what i have been eating within the last 48 hours. i know lizette is going to kill me.

• 8 kilos of rice, fried and steamed.
• 2.5 kilos of chicken lean mean only, fried, roasted
• 500 grams of fried chicken skin
• 6 2" slices of t-bone steaks
• 14 .5" slices of generic sweet ham
• 100 grams pure crab fat
• 2 kilos of spaghetti in white and red-orange sauce
• 26 sticks of jumbo hotdog
• 24 sticks of pork barbecue
• 2 sticks of isaw (malakas ang collective morality ko)
• 1 gallon chocolate ice cream
• 3 packs of oreos, doublestuf
• 2 large cans of condensed milk to go with the oreos
• 13 medium-sized fuji apples
• 500 grams of green grapes
• 2 packs of malboro red (blue-seal)
• 4 packs of malboro red (local)
• 6 bottles of redhorse beer
• 4 cans of strong ice beer
• 1/2 bottle of gran matador
• and 4 liters of coke to wash it down with.

ins and outs

Merry Christmas is out, Happy New Year is in.

Noche Buena is out, Media Noche is in.

Countdown before Christmas break is out,
Puta-papasok-tayo-right-after-New-Year’s-Day is in.

Flores is out, Puta-mare-panaloOoOo-si-Ducay is in.

The _-=Gold_Finger=-_ is out,
the _-=Gold_Finger=-_ and Red Plastic Cuffs Man is in.

Prom is out, Debut is in.

2005 is out, 2006 is in.

Davide is out, Puno is in.

Ramota sa room is out, Ramota sa mob is in.

Doc Maboo is out, Balino sisters are in.

Writing plays is out, Film making is in.

Flavio is out, Tristan is in.

Encantadia is out, Etheria is in.

Pinag-palit ng magulang noong bata sila at ngayon ay matanda na’t naghihigante is out,
Iligtas si Cassandra is out.

BF ni Ate Carmen is out, Ex-hubby ni Ate Carmen is in.

Orange and Lemons is out, Orange and Melons is in.

Baby rockets and kwitis is out, kanyon is in.

After-Manualia-heart-to-heart-talks-sa-likod-ng-cabinet is out, Y!M is in.

Mag-tago-kay-Bareliboi-kasi-long-hair is out, Inggitin-si-Frely-dahil-long-hair is in.

Natamad-na-akong-pumasok is out, I’ll-wake-up-early-because-i-miss-mikee is in.

Density is out, Dating with Husteen is in.

Plain-white-shirts is out, Abangan-ang-baol-collection is in.

Php 1350 is out, Php 900 is in.

Battle-Realms is out, DotA is in.

Tito-Nong is out, Big-Brother is in.

HP4 and Oliveros is out, Narnia is in.

Ms. U is out, Mikee is in.

Girls-are-stupid is out, Huwag-mag-dala-ng-kaibigan-sa-Philo is in.

Durkheim is out, Plato is in.

Inter-High is out, UAAP is in.

Stretch-kick is out, Lintik-na-45 is in.

Risha is out, Mica is in.

Suko is out, Heaven-Knows is in.

Field-trips are out, Crystals-sleepovers are in.

Na-confine-si-Betch is out, Papa-lipo-si-Querijero is in.

NBS is out, PowerBooks is in.

Puzo is out muna, Lualhati-Bautista is in!

Mafia is out, Sci-Fi is in!

Lovebirds are out, Hamsters are in.

Bogart is out, Hector is in.

Ice-Age is out, Ice-Age-2 is in.

Math 1 is out, Math 11 is in.

Capilan Ca Muli?

P. Diddy
I'll Be Missing You Lyrics
Verse One:

Puff Daddy

(Yeah... this right hear... goes out to everyone who has lost someone they truly love)

Seems like yesterday we used to rock the show

I laced the track, you locked the flow

So far from hangin on the block for dough

Notorious, they got to know that

Life ain't always what it seem to be (uh-uh)

Words can't express what you mean to me

Even though you're gone, we still a team

Through your family, I'll fulfill your dream (that's right)In the future, can't wait to see

If you open up the gates for me

Reminisce some time, the night they took my friend (uh-huh)

Try to black it out, but it plays again

When it's real, feelings hard to conceal

Can't imagine all the pain I feel

Give anything to hear half your breath (half your breath)

I know you still living your life, after death

Chorus:

Faith Evans

Every step I take, every move I make

Every single day, every time I pray

I'll be missing you

Thinkin of the day, when you went away

What a life to take, what a bond to break

I'll be missing you[Puff]

I miss you Big

Verse Two:

Puff Daddy

It's kinda hard with you not around (yeah)

Know you in heaven smilin down (eheh)

Watchin us while we pray for you

Every day we pray for you

Til the day we meet again

In my heart is where I'll keep you friend

Memories give me the strength I need (uh-huh) to proceed

Strength I need to believe

My thoughts Big I just can't define (can't define)

Wish I could turn back the hands of time

Us in the 6, shop for new clothes and kicks

You and me taking flicks

Makin hits, stages they receive you on

I still can't believe you're gone (can't believe you're gone)

Give anything to hear half your breath (half your breath)

I know you still living you're life, after death

Chorus:

Every step I take, every move I make

Every single day, every time I prayI'll be missing you

Thinkin of the day, when you went away

What a life to take, what a bond to break

I'll be missing you

[Faith Evans]

Somebody tell me why

Interlude:

Faith Evans

One Black Morning

When this life is overI knowI'll see your face

Outro:

112

Every night I pray, every step I take

Every move I make, every single day

Every night I pray, every step I take

[Puff]

Every day that passes

Every move I make, every single day

[Puff]

Is a day that I get closer

[Puff]

To seeing you again

Every night I pray, every step I take

[Puff]

We miss you Big... and we won't stop

Every move I make, every single day

[Puff]

Cause we can't stop... that's right

Every night I pray, every step I take

Every move I make, every single day

[Puff]

We miss you Big

Faith Evans:

Every step I take, every move I make

Every single day, every time I pray

I'll be missing you

Thinkin of the day, when you went away

What a life to take, what a bond to break

I'll be missing you

Every step I take, every move I make

Every single day, every time I pray

I'll be missing you

Thinkin of the day, when you went away

What a life to take, what a bond to breakI'll be missing you

Every step I take, every move I make

Every single day, every time I prayI'll be missing you

Thinkin of the day, when you went away

What a life to take, what a bond to break

I'll be missing you

She

She is the single most important force in my life.

i have always loved and respected her. i wanted to be like her in all things for she and i are one.

it was in 2001 that i got wind that she left me. little did i know that in 1996, she had already
forgotten our platonic relationship.

all i know is that she is dead now. dead in my eyes.

in case you get around reading this, i'd like you to know that i love you so much. i shall never forget you. but for now, you are dead in.

dead in my eyes.

"she was everything, everything that i wanted.
we were meant to be supposed to be but we lost it."